go tumbler go!

Hey Annelies, AM I in Fitzroy?

Hey there campers, who clearly have some sort of access to the Internet. Escaping the day to day loveliness of Newcastle yet again means another chance for me to destroy the English language for my own amusement and your horror. This time, Melbourne Australia. You know what I like about Melbourne apart from many other things, the fact that it knows to sleep in a bit. Whereas I got up at… still dark outside, and jumped a car driven by friend who was kind enough to offer a lift, I assume I owe her heaps now, probably a kidney or something. I have an instant hatred for anyone up at that hour, jogging or something when they have the opportunity to be in bed. Not upset, just disappointed.

So there should be a point to this story soon, oh yeah, got to Brunswick St for some cafe time and had to wait an hour or so for the little shops to open up. See, they know that they paid good money for their beds and should be getting good value. So many words and so much left unsaid. Got to track down Ding from Perth for a quick hang which was sweet because Perth is the end of the earth and I’m scared to go that far in case I fall off the edge.

Otherwise, caught a street performer who broke 2 golden rules. Don’t work with children, and I know the other is meant to be don’t work with animals, but I think don’t work with swords and children are both sage advice.

But his demise was our entertainment as the kid ignored any instruction and just threw swords at this guy stuck balancing on a pile of cans.

Hung in the park a few times to reminisce about the good times before bastard lawyers like myself and public liability litigation removing all the sweet play equipment from nsw. Sure, everyone split open a chin or lost a tooth on the horse swings at maitland park growing up, but you’d be straight back because they were fun. So props to Melbourne for throwing caution and taxpayers dollars to the wind and building some sweet play equipment. Anyway, enough of this, tomorrow we’re hiring a car to head south and steal a penguin, as long as I don’t hit a tram on the way. Just have to find a penguin that will fit in those carry on luggage size guide things at the airport.

i probably left some of my heart in phuket

Deep breath, this is basically a few posts in one, so apologies for the length… surely not the last time I’ll say that in my life.

well, much to everyone’s disappointment, I’ve lived on and am back to my normal self after parting ways with my stomach and most likely a few other internal organs the other night.

After a very ginger day (and the use of the word ginger in that sentence is about as food related as we got for the rest of the day) we wandered off to Fantasea magical wonder awesome park. No, it’s not a sea of fanta, which would have been nice, especially since I rediscovered red fanta over here and fell back in love, it’s where we saw a rock eisteddfod-type show about the birth of kamala, except it also had insanely dangerous/entertaining indoor pyrotechnics AND 30 elephants, a winning and safe combination in anyone’s books.

I also discovered that I am the king of the carnival games, and have won far too many silly stuffed animals for myself and others. I gave one to Dalla, which if we were in a movie would mean that we were going steady..but we’re not in a movie, derr, what were you thinking that for? After leaving the house for an hour or so we were cactus and so I tried to get a good night’s sleep and rest up for my upcoming victory at dino mini golf.

Ok, give your eyes a rest for a second, and back into it.

So, I woke up ready for my putt putt win and ate my breakfast of champions of croissants and nutella and let the trash talk begin. It’s not really trash talk when you know you’re going to win though, it’s just trying to prepare everyone for losing, some people don’t deal with it very well.

Dino Mini Golf is my favourite place in the whole world. There are dinosaurs and mini golf, so it’s already win win, but it’s a fun course too. Ok, so, first 9, leading by one, tick. Checked the scores again with 2 holes to go, still leading by one, this is in the bag, especially seeing as the last hole is one of those ones where they just want you to return the ball, so basically it’s a big sink where everyone gets a hole in one (except sal for some reason…) so basically, there’s just one hole to get through before I claim my win.

..

I came third and lost my ball to the briney deep after coming off the course twice during the par 2 hole, I maintain dino mini golf is an awesome place but let’s never talk about it again.

Ok, I also learned why when I said I was going to phuket some people thought it a bit of a douchebag place to go, that’s because we stopped by patong, which is filled with tourist douchebags as opposed to our lovely sleepy village. We were there to see thai boxing which was insane, I saw two 7ish year olds beat the crap out of each other, then 2 teen girls beat the crap out of each other, and then a few guys get covered in each others blood and continue to beat the crap out of each other. 

Did a bit of touring around Phi Phi island and similar which was sweet and also got a pretty impressive snorkelling photobomb which I’ll eventually post, my camera cord is in the bottom of my bag which is now overflowing with all of the stuff I didn’t really need to bring + all of the carnival toys I’ve won so I’m not fishing through it. 

Otherwise, we finally got rid of the girlsin exchange for the ability to handle copious amounts of solids and liquids and so chris and I went a drinkin and honestly, much of the rest of the night is a bit ‘scene missing’ until I go back and look at the photos and videos. I do know that I ended up naked once we got home and passed out on the lounge (I had scored clothes before thank god).

Oh, and then chris tried to tell me he had food poisoning again but the third umpire says it was just too much booze that made him destroy my sink and toilet. cheers yo.

and cheers yo to everyone! Phuket airport out, hopefully home tomorrow.

ow, my stomach lining

I come to you from beside our pool.

Ok, so normally, I just rant a long stream of consciousness until I grow tired of it or until someone asks me to get the hell out of their house, stop stealing their internerd and / or put on some pants.

This stream of consciousness will be short, much to everyone’s delight, as I assume I’ll lose all consciousness soon enough.  Last night we met a lovely smiling French dude who cooked the most delicious looking and tasting chicken cashew of all time.

It was the kind of experience that Disney would do a 3 part series of movies about and there would be animated bluebirds flying around and landing on my finger or shoulder singing a sweet little tune.

Turns out that the bastard was unleashing the deliciousness to hide the food poisoning that he was serving wish a smile and a few Tiger beers.

Normally my body is a temple that is only pillaged by sweet lady booze as if it were the Spanish looking for gold. I’m ok with dealing with my own failures in judgement, but not with some slimy dude stealing all of the nutrition I’ve ever consumed when I should have been sleeping.

Anyway, Oprah or Rikki Lake or someone once told me that hate is a cage so I’ll move on as soon as I can renew my commitment to solid foods. But the lesson for today my students is that if you ever wander into Phillippe’s restaurant in Kamala, you’re waking up with a reduced waistline, which is sweet for preventing diabetes, but a pretty balls way of doing it.

You’ll all be pleased to know that Marsh, Dalla and Sal are also recovering like absolute troopers. Dalla has gone for a massage, and the other kids are sleeping it off, Marsh gently weeping.

Well, back to recovering poolside, worse places to be. Wish you were here and bringing me Pringles.